Isn’t it crazy, we didn’t fall in love, isn’t it crazy we didn’t kiss or hug or make out enough, isn’t it crazy that even while staring at death every day every moment every other person’s face, we guarded our ego, our pride, our over the proportioned sense of self, isn’t it crazy that right up to that final moment, right until that final breath we were so so ignorant, we thought we’d be fine, we were so sure this won’t happen to us, we were so certain of our pride and privilege, that even till the last moment we didn’t believe in the apocalypse.

And then the apocalypse hit us, and then the angels of death knocked on the doors, Hades showed up with his grinning smile, Yama by his side, Santa Muerte dancing around, popped up between the two manly shoulders and said a Hi. “Hi, we are here for you, honey”, and in that moment, all the pride, all the ego, all the guarded self, all the logic and reason shattered to the core. “Wait, wait, but its not my time yet”. “Lol, nope, it is honey”. “No, no, I didn’t get a memo, no one told me, I mean I didn’t even say bye to that person I love and that boy I met and that girl I hurt and my dad and my friends and I haven’t wrapped my shit or cleaned my room. No you are wrong, its not my turn”. “Well, we sent out the public memo, it was a writing on the wall, big and bold, you didn’t read it maybe, you just walked and ignored, don’t you think all these years you have been a little bit too self absorbed”

“Listen, I haven’t even been in love, I haven’t even lived my life, finished my smiles, lent out a cry, I didn’ even give me heart to another beautiful, I didn’t even unite in happiness and sorrow, I didn’t even utter the three holy words and promise till death do us apart, and you are already here, No, Its not my time, you are wrong”.

Hades said “maybe there has been some mistake, some goofup, you want me to check with Cherubs”, He looked at Yama.

“Fine, I’ll call Kama and Rati, maybe they forgot to knock on his door. Did you do some crime or some misdemenour, maybe you were disqualified from attaining any love” Yama asked in bewilderment

“No, no, I am a great person, what are you talking about, look at my body, I go to gym, I am rich, I have a solid career, I am nice to everyone, I am good looking, I am smart, honest, compassionate, I am so good, there has been a glitch, I am telling you, its not my time yet, come in another 70 years”

“Guys, guys, guys, why don’t you listen to this poor guy, make the calls to your folks, see what’s going on here, we do have a pretty long list to execute this year. How come all these people are dying. We haven’t had so much work in so many decades. I was dancing so nicely in my grave and now there is so much work, my dark circles are getting worse. Make your calls, I dance in this beautiful house.” Santa Muerta started dancing around the house, her black and red cape flowing in the shadows of light, the petals of black and red roses falling from her hair, all of a sudden a music appeared, dark grim, the temperature turned cold, my hands started to shiver, turning white and whiter. “What is happening, why am I turning cold, why are my hands white, guys, I am telling you, its a mistake, even my grandfather hasn’t said goodbye, maybe you have come to the wrong room, guys are you listening”

Yama was on his call “Hey Guys, how you doing” “We are fine” replied Rati and Kama wrapped in each others arms, making out through this video call. “So, I am at this kids place, human number 5,794,798,739, and the kids saying you didn’t visit, kids got no love, no kisses, no fucks, hasn’t even walked around the fire seven times, says I am out of my schedule, but my file clearly says human number 5,794,798,739, says there must be a system glitch, which guys honestly, Santa Muerte is also saying is maybe right, why do I have soooo much work this year. Did Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh had a fuckup”

“Omgee, lemme check” Rati said as she pushed Yama’s lips away from her face, Kama looked back in frustrating disappointment “Yama, what sort of brother destroys another brother’s love life like you”, “Dude, you aren’t doing your job, you lazy horny fuck, all these people are saying they haven’t gotten any love and I am here to visit them already, like last ten thousand people I visited, same complaint, everyone says you haven’t been to their place, you haven’t knocked on their doors, why aren’t you doing your job”

“Wohhaa wohaa wohha mister mister, before you fight, stop with blames Yama. Kama and I had been working SO hard, while you were sleeping in hell for what like a full century, Now you have some work and look at your complaints. Okay so human number 5,794,798,739; no we have visited many times, we went in January of 2021, then in November, in September also, in August, in July, in June, in March, hell we have visited human number 5,794,798,739 like 276 times already, that was the quota Parvati allocated, and yeah, we have done our job. Nothing more from our side for this human, the file’s been passed to your department”

“Yeah Yati but human number 5,794,798,739 is young. Very young. No white hair, no sagging skin, must have lived barely 30 years, what you talking about, I usually get the files after 70, 80, hell after folks hit a century. You sure, you visited 276 times, most of my folks in hell only met you like twice or thrice, 276, that’s a lot, you haven’t been to my place that many times in this full millenium”.

“Yeah Yama, what do I tell you, these humans, they are I don’t know, they ignore us a lot, all the time, they never answer their doors, we keep ringing the bells, Kama and I have waited outside for weeks sometimes, we have been so overworked, I tell you, coz these guys are just on their phones, on some apps Instagram, Tiktok, I don’t know, maybe there don’t like to kiss anymore, we go with bags full of love, seriously, your human number 5,794,798,739, has gotten 6 deliveries of truck loads of love, all returned back, then I guess the Cherubs went like 78 times, it says on the file, and they have a good shot, I don’t know what happened, must have thick skin, why don’t you check with Eros and his team. See, we have done our visits, we have godowns filled with this person’s returned deliveries.”

“Thanks guys, I am sorry, I really don’t know, I was so deep asleep for so many years, haven’t been upto date with all the current affairs. Yeah, but the world is strange. I have never had so much work and humans so young. Hell is gonna get crowded.”

“Dude, our godowns are overflowing. Parvati increased so much allocation of love, like 100 times more in last 100 years, and none of these humans take it, I don’t get what these gods or these humans are thinking. We are now dumping love in landfills and oceans, coz you know we can’t store it for so long, it rots, it gets old, it gets worms, and it starts to stink. So we gotta process our deliveries, and these folks just don’t open the doors. What am I supposed to do, shove love down their throat ? So, I just come back. See human number 5,794,798,739, six truckloads of delivery sitting in godown. Yati, we’d have to send this one to the landfill, coz we have already done the final delivery attempt, right”. “Yup, I don’t know Yama, check with Parvati or Durga, maybe some miscommunication. Now, if you’d leave us alone, we’d like to go back to love” Yati pulled back Kama’s face and placed on her neck, she waved a small goodbye as she closed her eyes.

“Dude, Hades, check with Cherubs or Eros, Kama’s made 276 delivery attempts, this human didn’t open the door, I don’t know, maybe Cherubs didn’t ring the bell.”

Hades called Eros “Hey, Grandad, how are you doing”, “I am alright son, how is hell, what are you doing on earth” “Don’t know man, I was sleeping for like a 100 years and then my phone rang so loud, I had like 100 missed calls from everyone, Zeus,

Achlys, Aether, Aion, even Chronos who never really calls anyone, Hemera, Hypnos, Nesoi, Ourea, Pontos, Moros, not even kidding, I thought whole family just got up and called me at the same time, suprise they didn’t call or update you. I thought ya’all had some meeting while I was sleeping. And yeah Mother Gaia had sent a big letter with a long list of numbers and pretty clear instructions, so I had to come to earth and get to work. Its tiring, you should look at my human load. I thought it was a glitch, I never get such big number and such young cases. I don’t know, last time it was 1944 or 45, anyhow, I just want to finish this project and get back to hell and get back to my sleep. You know its too warm in your earth, I don’t do well with such high temperatures. My hair gets all frizzy and skin gets all sticky.

“Lol, good to see you, I don’t know, I have been out of the loop, maybe Gaia decided something, ask Zeus. How can I help.”

“Well, this human number 5,794,798,739, I am visiting says you haven’t visited, and I am early. But all of us are here, Santa Muetre, Yama. Maybe there is a glitch, this person says. Yati and Kama said they visited 276 times, but this person never opened the door, didn’t hear no bell, maybe Cherubs failed in their shots? How are the cherubs doing, by the way”`

“gosh, its the same complaint everyone is sending me these days, Cherubs missed their shots, Cherubs didn’t do their job. Ya’all know me, i am serious and passionate and love my job, my team loves our job, our job is about love, I am so tired of everyone blaming us. Human number 5,794,798,739, dude, we have sent Cherubs like morning day evening, we have wasted like 16,898 arrows on this human, like most of these new ones. I don’t know, they have some new thick skin or something, the arrows no longer pierce through them. I don’t know, these new humans are toooo strong, too perfect, they have very big ego layers, there is no vulnerability hole, we just aren’t able to get through, the Cherub morale is at an all time low, and you know how giggly funny cute those guys are. We had only got an allocation of 16,000 arrows of this human, Cherubs really liked this person so they made an exception allotment of 898 more arrows, but we couldn’t get through. We are way above our quota, and really short of arrows, we even did so many upgrades and innovation to the arrows to piece through this new skin, but we have been pretty unsuccessful. So, yeah, the file is your department now Hades. This person is made for Hell.”

“This person, dude, Hell is getting hella overcrowded. We have never had so many people come through our doors. Ahh I don’t know, well this thick skinned person will be fine in our cold hell, I guess. Cool, I’ll tell Yama, ya’all did you job and nothing more you can do”

“Yup, son. We did our job, we went above and beyond, you know we love love, we tried love, we shot folks with love, but well, what do you do when someone doesn’t want love, some one doesn’t love love. Crazy no, frankly me and Cherubs feel so unloved now, probably we’ll visit you someday in hell, when you are back”.

“Aww, don’t say that Eros pa, I love you. Yeah yeah come over, maybe your arrows can crack through the thick skin in the ice-cold hell, did you try to cool down these people, get some crack, get the shots across”

“We did, we did, we tried cooling down these people a lot, cooling down their rooms, their earth, we even made cooldown requests to Gaia, but she said there was some global warming thing going on with her and she is going through some climate change phase in her life, her carbon levels or something are too high these days, so, yeah, I mean everyone Amphictyonis,  Anthousai, Aristaeus , Attis, Corymbus , Dionysus, Dryades, are all running away from Gaia these days, they haven’t ever seen Gaia so hot, but you know Gaia has her moods, she is having some hot cold swing thing these days. Its alright, you know her, she’ll be fine. But Dryadas told me to not disturb Gaia for a bit. So, I didn’t really follow up on my request. You know when Gaia is hot, its not much good telling her to cool down. Apparently Zeus told her to cool down, and she got so pissed, she was like, If I could I would but these damn carbon concentrations are too high. You know women right.” “Dude, I love Gaia but I am so scared of her. She can really make heaven and hell one, when she is pissed, so, hahah. Imma gonna do my job and get back home and go sleep. See you later da” . “Yes, love, see you later, take care” “So, human number  5,794,798,739, the cherubs have tried to shoot you 16,898 times. Okay. And they couldn’t get a shot across to you, do you have some skin disease of something, have you developed scales, become a dinosaur or something, Eros said they tried new innovative arrows but your skin is too thick and yeah they were allocated only 16,000 arrows, they gave you extra 898 out of their pocket, and you know budget for arrows is always tight, you know some humans are allocated just 2-3 arrows. Like last time, I was down on earth for so much collection, Cherubs shot like 10 arrows maximum, and look at you 16,898 arrows. Yeah, you are out of your quota, you file has been transferred to my department”. “Wow, dude, poor cherubs, 16,898 that’s some damn hardworking Eros and his team did. Well, Kama and Yati said the same, they made 276 delivery attempts, they had 6 truckloads of love for you at times, and usually they bring only a few bags. So 6 truckload, Parvati must have really liked you. But yeah, you just returned all deliveries, they are now in the godown scheduled for the landfill. Your file is now in my department” Santa Muerta finished her dance, floated between the two Gods, wrapped her arms around each of them, they started to turn white blue and black “Honey, honey, honey, you are thorny, not horny, well, lets go lets go. Ain’t been no glitch, you are just a little too thick. “wait wait, wait, what do you mean there were 16,898 shots at me”. The cherubs visited you 16,898 times, they tried to shoot you with love arrows, you have a thick skin or something, they even tried to cool you down, get the scale to crack, they all failed. Dude, 16,898 arrows later, you are saying you didn’t get love. Are you crazy. Your great grandmother got one arrow and she was in love 75 years. One arrow. What are you doing ? “and what is this 276 deliveries, 6 truckloads of love” “Yes, the cherubs shoot you and when they think they got you, they send Kama and Yati to deliver love, and they bring different amounts, sometimes a box, sometimes a bag or few, and normally I never heard of truckload, but see Yati never lies, she can’t lie, so, she said, Parvati even allocated truck of love for you, not once but six times. You didn’t hear the bell, you didn’t open the door, they waited, they waited, and they went back home. In a spit second, in the cold room, beneath the long dark shadow, Human number 5,794,798,739 looked through the entire life. Every single face with lips wanting to kiss, every single time the arms awaited a wrap, every single time, ego came in way, or some procrastination, or some other priority, wow, I could have loved that person, I could have kissed a million times, morning evening day and night. Wow, why have I been sleeping alone in my bed for so many years, so many months, so many days, so many minutes, so many seconds. Wow.

“Yeah, usually when we get to people’s room, they have their partners wrapped around them, and damn, some partners are tough, they hold their people so hard, we have to give up"

"Ohh yeah I remember so many cases, you remember 2,565,563,458, we just couldn't take him, his wife won't let him go, her grip was so strong" Said Yama

"Yeah, fuck man, I don't think human number 2,565,563,458, is in hell. What Shiva didn't assign him yet, what he must be now 95 years old or something"

"Maybe he is in heaven Hades, not every human has to come to your hell"

"That's true, that much love, that kinda wife, yeah, Aphrodite would take him with her to Heaven. She loves those lovey dovey types."

Sorry Human number 5,794,798,739, none of us can do anything. You are a completely floating human being. You got no roots, no one to catch you, no one is holding your hand snatching you away, there is no ivy around your neck and soul, I am sorry to say honey, you are alone, and you have wasted all the love allocation that was made for you, Cherubs even went out of their way to catch you, you have wasted 6 truckloads of love which is now rotting in godowns and will pollute the oceans. What do we do. Sorry, your life is over. - Said Santa Muerta as she started the rituals, she started her songs, dark and gory, slow and shrieky, evoking all the ghosts, from the hell, Yama and Hades prepared their spells, the room got colder and colder and colder, Yama's black buffalo appeared, I started to turn to a corpse from a human, I tried to argue, I tried to utter, I tried to present my case, but appeared not a word.

Wow, I thought, I thought I was alive. I mean so many people were dying, so many souls perished but I thought I had years, I had love, I would have partner or partners and children, and grey hair and saggy skin, but all these years I had been obssessed with perfect skin and perfect hair and perfect clothes, omg, I thought I was alive, I thought I had years, to fall in love.

My body turned colder and colder, blue, darker shades, in front of my eyes appeared every lip, every eye that had smiled, every strand of hair that I wanted to run my fingers through but held back, every shoulder I wanted to rest my head onto but held back keeping my weight on my neck, now weak and tired, ready to snap. My fingers turned numb, I couldn't feel a touch, the fingers that had craved skin, had so much yearning to pleasure, had so much hearings for moans, had so many plans and tricks at the back of their hand, but resisted, for what, my brain started to fade away, the brain that had made all these plans, all the dreams, for this and that, and all the imaginations of all the nasty things, my heart started to slow down, from 100 beats per minute, now it was down to 5 or 4, it used to beat for so many people and for that one person, my heart was so scared to get a crack, to fall and get hurt, it never conveyed to that one person how much it blasted for them, my legs froze completely, I had wanted to run to them at every instance of fear, of happiness, of achievement. And all of a sudden, I heard a snap, my frozen fingers fell from my hands. The fingers the reached to my phone, so many times, and reach at the name so many times, the fingers that stopped before I made the call, the same fingers that wrote 1000 words long texts, beautiful poems and prose, proclaiming love, telling my care, stating my depth, the fingers that retracted it all, that never pressed the send button, today they fell from my hands, Yama's bull walked over them, my cold dead fingers turned to ash. And I watched my death, I watched my soul fly away, I watched my ghost breath its first breath, my soul looked back at me, my ghost had this inquisitive face, where should I go, where do I roam, do you have any somoene you'd like me to pass your love, do you have any someone you'd want me to watch over, my ghost had an hurrying face, tell me honey, we don't have time. My body was already loaded on Yama's buffalo, my face hanging from one side, my legs on another, my eyes still open, still dreaming, still looking through all the faces I loved so much, all the lips I could have kissed, all the hearts I could have seeked in. Santa Muerte came dancing away, she took her cold hands towards my face, the cold ran a chill down my spine, I froze a little more, I shook a little more, Santa Muerte closed my eyes. No dreams to see, no face to admire, no heart to know, no love for me. I was officially dead, no breath, no heartbeat, no next step, no thought, no regret.

Wow, wasn't it crazy, I didn’t fall in love, isn’t it crazy I didn’t kiss or hug or make out enough, wasn’t it crazy that even while staring at death every day every moment every other person’s face, I guarded my ego, my pride, my over proportioned sense of self, isn’t it crazy that right upto this final moment, right up till my final breath I was so so ignorant, so overconfident, so busy, so lost, so fucked up with such fucked up priorities, right upto my death I was working, I wasn't loving, I didn't love, not today, not yesterday, not yesteryear, I thought I’d be fine, I was so sure this won’t happen to me, I was so certain of my pride and privillege, that even till the last moment I didn’t believe in the apocalypse, I didn't believe it was my last day on earth, I didn't even say bye to my love, I didn't even fall in love, I didn't even tell them I loved, I didn't even make an effort, I didn't even make the first step, up till my last day, I didn't even love my own self.