I got shot
Straight in my back
By my own family & friends
Never thought
In my wildest dreams
They’d turn out like that
And like any Bollywood
Or Hollywood thriller packed movie
Bullets in my body
I ran
I escaped
Ran and ran and ran way
And I stumbled on you

Blood oozing from my back
My conscience slipping away
Pain chilling down the spine
Legs weak and wasted
And I crashed in your arms
I thought you saw the
blood and the wounds
Coz I saw you running
also away from the goons
I thought our pain was same
I thought you also felt
Under-qualified over-scared
Under prepared over stressed
You catered the wound
Poured some meds on
Covered it up
Took a few bullets out
Left some in
The poison contributed to spread
Slow stead lead the way
But I was alive
Some wounds healed fine
Some deep-rooted ones
The souvenir bullets
Had to stay
They’d calcify with time
Become the part of my entity
Beneath the scars
Wrapped in layers
Would forever stay these lead bullets
The memory of my origin
Evidence of past
Failed to kill instantly
will now be destined to destroy slowly

The next time I ran into you
I adeptly evaded those goons
They ran and ran and ran
Behind me
But I twisted and turned
And hid and jumped
And just standing across you
I arrived
I paused
I looked around
And they were nowhere
My hands shaking
My body panting
Scared for my life
Scared for your death
Scared for my crimes
Scared for your innocence
I hit the break from the run
I was engaged in
And you were standing
Right across
Right in front
Right at the door
It was like finally
I am safe
Finally he has seen me
Finally I can take a break
Finally he can be himself
Finally I can break the wall
You were standing
Merely 6 feet away
You saw my tired bones
I saw your broken home
You felt me near collapse
I felt you holding cards in the air
You felt my pain
I felt your panic
Your felt my crimes
I felt your innocence
I just wanted to collapse
Let go of myself
Legs and hands and neck
Just close my eyes and give away
Close my eyes and fall flat on my face
You could see it
You could feel it
And you wanted to take one step
Reduce the six feet of distance
Your hands started to reach towards me
You sensed my soul falling
Left with no will no energy
Leaning into you
To be held by you
And cry and cry
Till the end of the night

I wanted to cry for you
I wanted to howl for me
I wanted to cry for 20 crore
Disenfranchised beings
I wanted to cry for 100 crore
Monstrous grotesque souls
I wanted to hold your legs
And disintegrate myself
Melt my ego
Melt my privilege
In the puddle around your legs
And I can’t say for you
But there was something I saw in you
Maybe I cooked in my head
Or maybe we had a special sense

I sensed the human
Behind the metal facade of the machine
I felt truckload care
Hiding behind the fcukboi cools
I saw anger and endless anger
Hanging between the two sides of the soul
I saw denial and rage
On alternate stages
I felt you were closed and cold for so long
Unheard unsaid the hearts of aches
I felt you saw me
I saw you
You know I felt
what you were scared of
I felt I could process
This deep dark fear and pain
With a little help of your hand
Maybe I could feel what you needed to
But couldn’t
Maybe you could give the support
I needed to have but didn’t

But I stopped
A full big definite step
Six feet away
You didn’t move ahead
Not one step you cleared
I was destined to fall
I had no strength
But my independent body intervened
It kept my neck strong & high up
I tried to collapse
Seeking your arms
Not for tomorrow or the day after
But right now right here
And I looked around and sought the arms
My eyes scanned ahead and beside
For fingers reaching forward
For steps walking ahead
For a look of surprise & care
Like I could stumble
But not flat face on the floor
For a shoulder would appear
And break my fall

But no step moved forward
No fingers headed my way
No eyes looked up
To stare straight at the decay
No hero appeared
For the villains of the days
No shoulder entrusted
To protect the bone damage
So my body built its second life

It built another brain
The fall had started
But my body found the strength to
Catch its way
My spine got a new jolt
No longer was it riddled with holes
My legs sterned firm
No longer they sought ground in front
I stood straight
I stood tall
A smile appeared
Bright and wide
My eyes looked beyond your face
The droplets hid in behind the gaze
To a world where I didn’t care
I no longer shook no longer stumbled
Straight tall proud confident
Not look vulnerable deep in your eyes
I Walked snob swift brushed aside
6 feet of fall was now
600 miles tall

I crossed you
I held my emotions tight
Heavy heart locked away from sight
Tears behind the concrete dam
For sometimes even walls can sense
And you were a full human man
A man with the heart
A man with soul
A man very aware
Of the pain of the hole
Piercing right through our nerves
Crushing every bone
And you were a man
With a billion tears
For each brother
Martyred in war
And you were a man
With a million fears
For each mother
Helpless in home
And you hid your pain
Behind your childish smile
Behind your casual cloak
Behind the unbalanced soul
And I walked fast and swift
Rich bitch neither cared nor knows
And I walked beside hiding my eyes
Away from the moment I had kissed you
And I walked beside claiming my rights
Away from the whole, I gave you
And I walked away dying that night
From the feelings, I told you
And I walked away with my ghost
From the woman, I introduced you to.